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Friday 16 May 2008

Hi! I'm distressed. But I'm not a damsel, just a worry bug. I cannot stand irritation and I hate hypocrisy. I think of people who complains too much as attention-seekers. I think of people who don't stress over things as happy. I want attention but I don't want to ask for it. I want love filled with truth and not those filled with remorse. There's time where I admire myself with guilt and times when I admire myself with distaste. I pray for things that makes people happy and I pray for things to come down hard on me. Futile is the word I associate my efforts with. Abandoned is the word I cling onto. Beautiful may never be my friend. And neither will I be her friend. Money blocks me from my wants but money brings me closer to them. I hate the propaganda that revolves around my life. But without it, I can't exist. I wish to spread it to the people around me. But yet, I am being covered by it. I don't hang out with people much because I'm scared of them. Yet, people don't hang around me much because they are scared of me. I'm not skinny but a little too fat. I'm not fat either, just filled with them. My family don't treat me as an individual. They treat me as their property.

If I were to live my life again, once more, I wished I never lived.